Ex-Wife

Dear Husband:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leavingyou for good. I've been a good woman to you forseven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or any thing. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore.

Whatever the case is, I'm gone!!

P.S.
If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER andI are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife
____________
Dear Ex-Wife:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been.I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constantnagging. Too bad that doesn't work! .

I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, thefirst thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!"My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked "my favorite meal", you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork six years ago.I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was acoincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got homeyou were gone.

Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you havethe fulfilling life you always wanted.

My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won'tget a dime from me.

So take care.

Dave, Rich As Hell, Free and on my way to Jamaica!

P.S.
I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl,my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.